With a Thousand Words to Say But One

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See, that’s what the app is perfect for.

Sounds perfect Wahhhh, I don’t wanna
lost-in-prose
survivornotsuperman

What is CPTSD?

This is going to be a long haul, okay? I will break this into sections so that it isn’t so much to take in at once. When you see (☆☆☆☆) it means there is a break in information, and you can step away if need be, without getting lost.

⚠️TRIGGER WARNING: READ AT OWN DECRETION⚠️

!!This should in no way be used as a diagnosis!!

Where It All Begins: 

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People diagnosed with Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD or CPTSD) are often victims of prolonged childhood trauma that questions their sense of security and of self (Davis, 2019), usually spanning months if not years. This could be a result of emotional, physical, or mental abuse; sexual abuse; domestic violence; growing up in a war zone or being held captive; or human trafficking; among others. This trauma stops the part of your brain that regulates emotion, the amygdala, from growing as it should, stunting its growth at only 80% of its true size (Garrett, 2019). The growth of the children’s brain is also damaged because the child’s neurological and psychological development, leaving the function of their brain permanently damaged for the rest of their life. Because of this it is considered a Developmental Trauma Disorder, or DTD, because the effects aren’t usually seen until later in life, after the child can escape the traumatic situation. Often, children that have experienced these traumas can be classified as ACEs, or as experiencing Adverse Childhood Experiences.

CPTSD is not acknowledged in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders Five (DSM-V or DSM-5), but rather grouped together with standard Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Because of this error, Complex PTSD isn’t accepted as its own stand-alone disorder and most do not get diagnosed with it unless psychologists/psychiatrists accept it as its own disorder (Davis, 2019). This, however, can be very detrimental to those who actually have the disorder, since the symptoms of CPTSD are much more severe than those of PTSD (Garret, 2019).

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Physical Symptoms of CPTSD:

Some of these are symptoms I personally have and others are ones I have read about/researched:

  • Shrinkage of amygdala
  • Risk of developing immune issues, diabetes, and heart diseases in the future
  • Increased heart rate
  • Increased levels of adrenaline which causes shaking and high blood pressure
  • Headaches and/or migraines
  • Talking way too fast
  • Loosing large chunks of time throughout the day for no reason
  • Chronic fatigue
  • Sleeping with hands on/around your neck or touching your neck excessively
  • Insomnia
  • Slower reaction time
  • Heart arrhythmias
  • Raise in body temperature
  • Worsening of PMS symptoms
  • No energy
  • Overreactive nerves
  • Hyper senses
  • Auditory processing problems

Emotional/Mental Symptoms of CPTSD:

Some of these are symptoms I personally have and others are ones I have read about/researched:

  • Compartmentalizing way too well
  • Wonder if you manipulate people to love you/feeling like you are genuinely unlovable
  • Feeling unreal
  • Too good at adjusting to new circumstances/can make a home in the worst situations and have no problem with it
  • The irrational side and rational side of yourself constantly fighting (knowing you are freaking out over nothing but being unable to stop it)
  • Hypersensitivity
  • Unexplainable feeling of doom/dying early
  • A. Lot. Of. Anger. And. Barely. Contained. Rage.
  • Good in a crisis, only to fall apart later and/or over little things
  • A delayed grief process (mostly due to being unable to regulate your emotions well)
  • Basic inability to control emotions (aka light switch emotions)
  • Extremely violent intrusive thoughts
  • Somatic/emotional flashbacks (unlike PTSD, there is not a visual component to these flashbacks)
  • Imagining yourself in horrible situations where you get all the sympathy (side effect of not being loved enough as a child)
  • Extreme attachment issues on both sides of the spectrum (isolation and clinging)
  • Feels like no one knows you truly/don’t trust anyone/can’t tell people how they feel
  • Think is only extremes
  • Triggers
  • Manic/depressive episodes
  • Obsessive need for revenge
  • Hypo/Hyper sexualizing yourself
  • Mistaking hypervigilance for being an empath
  • Associating unrelated things to trauma
  • Little to no memory of childhood/time before trauma
  • ADD/ADHD
  • Other mental illnesses including depression, anxiety, maladaptive daydreaming, age regression, suicidal thoughts, borderline personality disorder, dissociative disorders, somatization disorder, etc.
  • Loss of hope/inability to feel hope
  • Easily over-stimulated
  • Chronic nightmares/night terrors
  • Warped sense of self
  • Hyperarousal (easily startled)
  • Downplaying everything
  • Feeling like you are never enough for others/constantly trying to prove that you are (aka overcompensating)
  • Panic attacks/anxiety attacks

Miscellaneous:

Some of these are symptoms I personally have and others are ones I have read about/researched:

  • Problems with religious beliefs/faith
  • Feeling as if there is a gaping hole physically in the center of your chest, often agonizing
  • Often imagines a little child hiding within your skin/beside you watching at all times
  • Very good with/kind to/understanding of children and strangers
  • Imagining scenarios at night to calm yourself enough to fall asleep
  • No tight clothes
  • Things can’t touch your neck
  • People can’t stand behind you
  • Rewatching/rereading movies/TV shows/books repeatedly
  • Psychoanalyze everyone you meet
  • Extremely careless with own life but extremely protective over anyone else’s, especially those you care for
  • Grew up way too fast
  • Looks for a hero/rescuerer/parental role to fulfill for friends
  • Likes sour or spicy food
  • Hating competition
  • Feeling intense jealousy over those who got help
  • Hating intimacy (emotional or physical)
  • Drawn towards hard sciences/mental sciences
  • Intense need to be loved but hating it/not looking for it
  • Hard time communicating
  • The profound sense that you are okay with being the villain and you may even strive to be one (and not in the cute ‘I’d love to be Loki way’,, but rather completely fine with betraying/hurting/killing others)
  • Sitting on the floor of your shower because you can’t even imagine standing up
  • Having a problem with authority, either by hating it and acting out or being terrified of it
  • Addictive personality
  • Never let yourself stop moving long enough to be in your own head/too scared to allow yourself to think 

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Healing from CPTSD:

You cannot escape flashbacks until you deal with your trauma head on. I will tell you right now I have been healing from mine for 3 years and I’m not even halfway done. Just be patient. You have to rewire your entire brain all over again. It’s going to be hard because those with CPTSD have no 'model’ for what it’s like (Garrett, 2019), but you’ve got this. I believe it you <3

  • Participate in self care
  • Heal your inner child (I do this by doing thing I never did as a child. I jump on my bed. I have dance parties alone in my room. I sneak snacks at midnight. I run with my arms wide and wave them like airplane wings. Whatever your healing looks like, do it)
  • Trauma-informed therapy
  • Behavioral therapy

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Resources For You:

  • SAMHSA’s National Helpline: 1-800-662-4537
  • NAMI Helpline: 1-800-950-6264
  • NIMH Helpline: 866-615-6464
  • Mental Health America Hotline: text MHA to 741741
  • Crisis Text Line: text CONNECT to 741741
  • National Suicide Hotline: 988

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Works Cited:

https://cptsdfoundation.org/2019/09/03/what-is-complex-post-traumatic-stress-disorder-cptsd/

https://www.psychalive.org/injured-not-broken-why-its-so-hard-to-know-you-have-cptsd/

https://themighty.com/topic/post-traumatic-stress-disorder-ptsd/habits-living-with-complex-ptsd

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Quizzes:

THESE ARE NOT DIAGNOSTIC TESTS. DO NOT TAKE THE RESULTS OF THESE QUIZZES AS A SURE-SIGN THAT YOU HAVE CPTSD

Main post can be found here.

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crobatking

Anonymous asked:

So I'm guessing no to the music listening. You sure? I got some great french emo blackgaze. Kinda nerdy on many levels 😂. I hope you are ok. Even if you just want to tell me all I have forgot it would be great to hear from you.

crobatking answered:

sorry I’ve been turning over some of your messages in my head for the past few days trying to figure out how I feel. “I have many emotions still from out last conversation. emotions from what was said and emotions from what i learned after.” scares me. im in a very fragile vulnerable place right now, realizing that my mental health is very unstable and trying to rally the energy to fight through it. so the idea of addressing the things you mentioned seems like it might not be something I’m capable of handling meaningfully at the moment. and admittedly I have poor memory of anything in my life prior to … the past four or five years. which isn’t something in my control but I can’t help be feel disrespectful for that. I don’t remember our last conversation. a lot of pieces of my past feel so blurry and like they happened to a stranger who I can’t relate to and don’t like very much. but also I know I have to hold myself accountable at the same time. im sorry. it’s not even that I’m opposed to the idea of talking to you I just don’t know how to handle it.

whiskeykeif

I’m sorry, I do not mean to bring up your past to hurt or retraumatize you. I know that was a chaotic time. What happened between us, though, was very triggering for me. You were my friend, my solace, even if it was too late for your liking. You still trusted me to help you whenever you desperately needed it because you knew I wouldn’t hesitate for you and I trusted you back. You accused me of using my trauma as a crutch. You, of all people, should know how hurtful that is. I know you are not wholly responsible for things you say or do in distress. That does not make it hurt less though. It does not take back the lies you said. About things I never did or would do. Things that I found out your pos ex actually did. Things that you wrote about, in that same poem you included me. You lied about me, ghosted and would still lie about me after to protect your relationship with that pos.  Was it something to help cope? Was it the whole awful situation? Did you believe all you said about me?  Did it at least make things better for you? Did it help you get out?  You speak of your fragile mental state, that is how I’ve been for eight years. It’s how I am now. You can’t handle dealing with yourself, and the damage you cause and I can’t handle living.

This might sound like anger but it’s not, I’m just dead and lost. It’s been so long and I’ve just given up so many times. I was hoping that enough time had passed and we could talk. I know you were going through a bad time. That’s why I was checking in on you. Honestly, I thought I was doing a good thing and helping. When you expressed agreement with your pos ex about how you should proceed with your life, I was concerned. It honestly triggered my anxiety when you disappeared. I know ghosting for you can be protective and I am sorry my anxiety triggers that. I’m sorry I triggered that response. I honestly thought enough time had passed that we both understood our emotional issues, our traumas and knew that they don’t make us. I’m sorry if I caused you any more distress. I’m not trying to cause more stress, I just do. Same as you. Our disorders can make us do damaging things to ourselves or others. Not because we are bad or evil but to cope with stress and traumas. You are not your disorder. I hope you remember this as well. You are not your traumas. I am so sorry you were ever in that situation. You are an amazing person, so much better than you realize. You have so many beautiful qualities that should be admired. I hope you are doing better. I hope someone is treating you how you should be. I wish you could see all that in me as well and not just shut me out. I hope you are still creating art. I hope you will continue to write. I hope I can figure my way out of this hole and can still be around long enough to see if you can handle talking.

neuroticboyfriend
neuroticboyfriend

for the love of trauma survivors, please do not misuse language to describe abuse and trauma responses - especially not for jokes.

gaslighting isn't simply lying. it's behavior employed by an abuser to make their victim question their reality and sanity. and grooming is behavior that aims to warp a victim's perception of reality in favor of the predator - ultimately to normalize abuse.

flashbacks and repressed memories aren't simply remembering. flashbacks involve re-experiencing trauma through memories, thoughts, and emotions. repressed memories involve trauma so severe, the only way their brain could cope was to block it out.

being triggered isn't just being angry or uncomfortable. it's an exhausting and near uncontrollable nervous system response - it can be about trauma, but it can also be about symptoms of other things too. it can involve an array of distressing actions, thoughts, and emotions.

these are not fancy words for fairly mundane things. and fucking none of them are for you to make a joke of.

chernobog13
chernobog13: “Dave Stevens’ cover to the first Rocketeer collected edition, reprinting the original 5-part story (which was later adapted for the Disney film). Stevens was a great caricaturist, and many of the characters in the story were based on...
chernobog13

Dave Stevens’ cover to the first Rocketeer collected edition, reprinting the original 5-part story (which was later adapted for the Disney film).

Stevens was a great caricaturist, and many of the characters in the story were based on the likeness of actors or people he knew.  

It’s widely known that Cliff Secord’s girlfriend, Betty, had her face based on Betty Page.  However, Stevens stated that the body was based on his ex-wife, actress/model/scream queen Brinke Stevens.

Peevy, Cliff’s friend and mentor, was based on Stevens’ friend and mentor Doug Wildey, legendary cartoonist and animator, and creator of Johnny Quest.

And Cliff Secord, the Rocketeer himself, was based on Stevens’ own likeness.